Ok, so yesterday I, along with billions of couch potatoes worldwide who also had nothing better to do, watched in amazement at the closing ceremony of the Olympics in Beijing. Flipping acrobats, world-class dancers, hundreds of sparkling, smiling and singing Chinese ladies along with fireworks that would make Guy Fawkes soil his pants brought an end to the 16-day-long 40 billion pounds worth of record-breaking Olympic TV gold. With the disappearance of the symbolic flame came what was advertised as an ‘18 minutes preview of the 2012 Olympics’, which just happens to be located in our capital city of London. After unsurprisingly unspectacular speeches from the Olympic officials, and a recognizable theme tune we call the national anthem, Boris Johnson, London Mayor, was handed the Olympic flag. Looking characteristically scruffy with an unbuttoned blazer and pot belly showing, he awkwardly struggled to hold onto the pole whilst spontaneously combusting. The camera, zooming out from Boris’ unzipped flies, then panned across to the 2012 London Olympics logo; simultaneously causing thousands of epileptic fits worldwide. Ouch.
British viewers in particular were waiting with baited breath: what would London organizers do to top the Chinese’s efforts? Synchronized explosions? Jaw-dropping death-defying stunts? Remote controlled alien gymnasts with webbed feet? Unfortunately not. We got a London double decker bus. You ‘eard. A blood-red double decker fucking bus. The Chinese are still laughing now.
But this was not a normal London bus. After 5 minutes of waiting it would open up, sort of. And what would come out of it? ‘Some girl who won x-factor and a 60-year-old guitarist’, not my words, Huw Edward’s in fact. Accompanying Leona something or other was some bopping hoodies and a guy in a wheelchair, holding an umbrella. Because buses and umbrella’s are so London. You know in those Remmel beauty ads you see on TV? What Kate Moss really means when she says “get the London look” is to go on a bus with an umbrella. Yeah! Put that in your pipe and smoke it Beijing.
Am I being naive? See I thought most people hated public transport. Never on time, downright rude bus drivers and that’s not even mentioning the chavs on the back of the bus blasting 50 pence and shizzle-mizzle tizzle out of their ipods and smoking spliffs. And as for umbrella’s, what does that symbolize? -Bad Weather, that’s what. Nuff said.
Finishing off the less than jaw-dropping 18 minutes was the less than jaw dropping David Beckham. What’s he gonna do?! I hear you gasp – Kick a football that’s what. What else was you expecting you fool? Oh and there was some girl in her undies playing a violin. Don’t ask.
So, as you may have guessed, I was not over-impressed with London’s 18 minutes of fame. They can’t organize a piss up in a brewery those guys.
bwaveandfwee
I get the impression that you never go to London. I admit that I never go to the sink estates but I'm always impressed with the tube and the cleanliness of the stations, especially in central London. I never have to travel when the buses are full of school kids but on the tube in the rush hour and in the evenings people actually offer my wife and me a seat.
I always vote Labour but I'm glad Boris got in and I'm glad we are not going to spend much on the Olympics. I saw some pictures recently of the Athens facilities: derelict. It was also commented that there will be a struggle to find a use for the 90 000 seat Birdsnest. I applaud the idea that the stuff being built for 2012 will be usable.
In spite of being English I quite liked the idea of winning a few medals. I also liked us excelling at what the convicts down under called the sitting down sports. I liked someone on the BBC saying about an Australian comment, "Well, that's a balanced view, a chip on both shoulders." Talking of chips on shoulders, I had to smile when the scotch (not scots and no capital letter) said they did not want a GB (should be UK)football team in the next Olympics. In the nineteenth and twentieth centuries the scotch made a fantastic contribution to shipbuilding, railways and medicine but they then disappeared without trace, well, except for the noise. the fuss they make is out of all proportion to a 'nation' half the size of London. I did go the Edinburgh Festival this year and it was fantastic. In fact, there were two or three good scotch comedians. Now that the North Sea Oil is running out I would like them to have complete independence. If they manage their economy, without the English contribution,
like they did the cost of their parliament building they will soon be living in penury and of course saying it is all our fault.
Apart from that, Howard, welcome